Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
