loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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