I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
