dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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