wanna go halves on a baby?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
