I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
