I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
