I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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