Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
