i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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