I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
