Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize