tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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