U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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