I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
