capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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