i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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