how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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