1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
