I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
