dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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