His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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