y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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