And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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