Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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