i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
