Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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