We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
