I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize