she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
