I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
