Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
