hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
