someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
