is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
