How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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