no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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