Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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