Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
