peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
