some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
