1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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