I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
