My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
