He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize