I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize