Only a mothe r could love this liver
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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