Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
