I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
