By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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