i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
