can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
