id be glad to
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
