On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
