I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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