the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
