the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
