They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
