im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this just has baby written all over it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i think i just lost a toe
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
