I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
