He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You made out with two different species that night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
