you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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