My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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