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• (620): View more from Kansas

  my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"

  (785): View more from Kansas

  you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i have a girlfriend

  (847): View more from Illinois

  if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.

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• (858): View more from California

  The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear

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