Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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