apparently the secret to your success is patron
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
