I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
