im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
