i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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